I’m acutely aware of rebounding too rapidly, overloading myself and crash- ing again but where my previous desperation-induced inactivity was slowly eroding my mental capacity, a gradual resumption of engagement with work, physical activity and most importantly people, does appear to be slowly reactivating the areas of my life that I truly believed would be dormant forever.
I haven’t turned into some sort of delusionally positive evangelist over- night, but compared to where I was at the beginning of the summer the signs are promising. I’m laughing (occasion- ally). My memory is improving. I’m running (slowly). My memory is improv- ing (OK, that needs work). And I’m no longer inexplicably obsessed with the laundry.
Clearly there’s a long, long way to go but for whatever reason – the medication, the therapy, the exercise or just the fact that my inner psyche finally got bored with being depressed, who can really know? – I seem to have finally found the momentum that’s eluded me for this entire episode.
The real struggle – to get fully well and then to stay well – starts here.
Fingers crossed. Nick