"I realised that the whole experience wasn’t quite as scary as I suspected. No one died. Most people laughed and several people – probably lying, – told me I was funny."
"“As I step tentatively out of my clothes in front of an oblivious Helen, it’s obvious she is less interested in my crown jewels than she is in potting the black.”"
"It’s been 30 years since I last bared so much flesh to so many people."
"I resembled a trashier version of Lilly Savage."
"I quickly understood why Bear Grylls’ motto was, ’This may hurt a little’."
"No longer hampered by sobriety paint around like Jackson Pollock on an Absinthe binge."